“Slow to Anger” – James 1:19
A husband said to his wife, “When I get angry at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?” His wife answered, “I clean the toilet.” The husband, a bit confused, asked, “How does that help?” The wife explained, “I use your toothbrush.” Hopefully that’s not how most people deal with their anger!
“Do you have a problem with anger? Maybe more telling, do others think you have a problem? If we’re being honest, we’ll all admit that we struggle with anger sometimes.”
There’s no shortage of anger in the world. But you already know that. You can find it on roadways, in the workplace, in our neighborhoods, and in our homes. You likely know people with anger problems. Perhaps you work with them. Or live with them. Or maybe you’re the one with anger issues. Do you have a problem with anger? Maybe more telling, do others think you have a problem? If we’re being honest, we’ll all admit that we struggle with anger sometimes.
We need to be honest about our anger and deal with it effectively because anger can be destructive. It can be extremely harmful and detrimental to our relationships. Unresolved anger is damaging to our personal health and well-being as it is linked to high blood pressure, an increased risk of heart attacks and strokes, weakened immune function, and digestive problems [1]. Above all, sinful anger disrupts our walk with God. It shouldn’t be surprising, then, that we’re instructed in James 1:19-20 to be “slow to anger, for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.”
But what is anger? Is all anger sinful? And what are some ways to handle it in godly ways? Let’s begin by attempting to define what anger is.
The Definition of Our Anger
Let me offer this definition of anger and then unpack it a bit: anger is a personal holistic response of opposition to a perceived wrong committed against us, others, or God [2]. Notice first that anger is personal. It is personal in the sense that it arises from our own hearts. Without denying the influences of situations and circumstances, early parental modeling, biological factors, or satanic assaults, our anger doesn’t come from outside us. External provocations may trigger our anger but they’re really only serving to expose what resides within us.
“Anger is a personal holistic response of opposition to a perceived wrong.”
Second, anger is holistic in that it involves our whole person. We tend to think of anger as an emotional response – and indeed it is – but not exclusively so [3]. Anger is also physical. When we get angry our muscles tighten, our fists and teeth clinch, our heart beats faster, blood pressure increases, our face turns red, nostrils flare, and eyebrows shift downward [4]. Anger is every bit as much a physical response as it is an emotional response. Anger is also volitional, involving our wills. This means our anger is a choice. We might try to convince ourselves it’s not, but we demonstrate otherwise every time we’re in a heated argument and we have to answer our phone with a calm and joyful greeting. Or when we walk into church on Sunday morning fuming at the kids and we respond to others with a smile and an “Oh, hi!” We control our anger when we really want to. Anger is also a moral or spiritual response. According to our definition, anger is occasioned by a perceived wrong or a perceived injustice. There is a moral evaluation of wrongdoing in our anger.
Finally, don’t miss that anger is a response – specifically a response of opposition to a perceived wrong committed against ourselves and/or others. Anger resists or attacks the perceived wrong – and sometimes the perceived wrongdoer.
But is anger always bad? Can anger ever be a good thing? Is there anything to be said in anger’s defense?
The Defense of Our Anger
Surely some forms of anger aren’t sinful. Consider that the Gospel of Mark tells us that Jesus was angered by those in the synagogue because of their hardness of heart [5]. All the gospel writers record that he overturned tables and drove the money changers from the temple using a whip of cords [6]. And Paul writes in Ephesians 4:26-27: “Be angry and do not sin.” It must be possible, then, to be angry without sinning. Perhaps the most important point in anger’s defense is that most of the instances of anger recorded in the Bible are ascribed to God [7].
How should we understand these passages about divine anger? Well, we should recognize that God’s anger is similar to our anger. In fact, we can define it the same way: divine anger is God’s personal holistic response of opposition to a perceived wrong or injustice against himself and/or others. But there are some important qualifications. First, God’s perception of wrongs and injustices is infallible and therefore always right. Second, God’s response of opposition is always righteous in its measure and manner. Third, while God does have righteous anger, his anger is not easily triggered. The Bible repeatedly tells us that he is “slow to anger” [8].
“It’s important to acknowledge that anger is a right response (though not the only response) to evil, including evil perpetrated against ourselves.”
It's important to acknowledge that anger is a right response (though not the only response) to evil, including evil perpetrated against ourselves [9]. God’s anger is an expression of his goodness in that it opposes evil and the harm it inflicts upon people. Our own anger can often fuel efforts to see injustice being overturned, racism rooted out, and corrupt institutions being pulled down. Rebecca Konyndyk DeYoung notes how anger can serve just ends: “Someone who would otherwise be too shy may need the push of anger to stand up and speak out. Someone who would otherwise feel too weak and afraid may fight beyond the limit of her power if anger fires her spirit. A complacent congregation may need anger to lift it out of indifference and mobilize it into action” [10].
So not all anger is sinful. There is righteous anger and, like God, we can experience and express it [11]. But we’re prone to label our anger as righteous much too often and much too quickly. Because anger is occasioned by a perceived wrong, our anger almost always feels righteous. But our perceptions are easily clouded. The truth is that much of our anger is sinfully immoral, destructive, and depraved.
The Depravity of Our Anger
The depravity of anger is suggested by passages in the Bible that include it in lists alongside other vile and destructive sins. For example, in Galatians 5:19-21 Paul mentions “fits of anger” among the works of the flesh alongside sins like sexual immorality, idolatry, sorcery, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and others [12]. He follows this list by solemnly warning his readers that “those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.” Similarly, in Colossians 3:5-8, Paul exhorts us to “put to death what is earthly” – mentioning things like “sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry” – and then tells us to put off what belonged to our former way of life, specifically adding “anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth” [13].
In addition to anger’s inclusion in such lists, we’re given repeated warnings about anger in the book of Proverbs. For example, we’re told in Proverbs 22:24-25: “Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man, lest you learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare.” Proverbs 29:22 warns about the destructive nature of anger in our relationships with God and others: “ A man of wrath stirs up strife, and one given to anger causes much transgression.” These warnings are obviously concerned with sinful anger – the kind that, according to James 1:20, “does not produce the righteousness of God.”
What, then, are the things that make our anger sinful and depraved [14]? Consider four things: first, anger is sinful when it’s aimed at the wrong target. The wrong target consists of directing our angry opposition at the wrong person – including when we erupt at our spouse or our child or our dog when we’re angered by someone else. Or even worse, when we’re angry with God for the way he has ordered our circumstances – the perceived “injustices” of his providence which may include things as simple as the weather (yes, I confess that I’ve been mad about weather, especially snowy and icy conditions).
“Rather than our anger being a response of opposition to actual sin, evil, and injustice, it’s often triggered by impediments to our immediate wants, desires, and goals. My concerns are more often related to me and my kingdom rather than God and his kingdom.”
Closely related to sinful anger aimed at the wrong target is anger provoked for the wrong reason. Rather than our anger being a response of opposition to actual sin, evil, and injustice, it’s often triggered by impediments to our immediate wants, desires, and goals. My concerns are more often related to me and my kingdom rather than God and his kingdom. My self-centeredness distorts my perceptions and this distorts my anger. Perceived wrongs against myself are grossly inflated – the slightest perceived insult or inconvenience is quickly categorized as a gross injustice. It might sting to admit it but drivers are not perpetrating an injustice when they drive more slowly than me – not even when I’m running late! Young children aren’t sinning by inconveniencing me with their inability to live up to my standards of cleanliness, orderliness, or efficiency. People who order “too much food” at the drive thru window might be annoying but they aren’t committing a moral evil even if the line gets backed up.
Most of us would do well to recognize (and confess) that the reason for much of our anger is due to the universe not revolving around us, our wants, our desires, our schedule, our plans, or our expectations. We rage when people and things don’t behave like moons set to orbit around us and serve us. This is why I can be angered by justice as easily as injustice if justice doesn’t suit me. Our indignation is often rooted in pride, self-righteousness, and a sense of entitlement to get what we want when and how we want it. And as David Powlison observes: “If I believe that God exists to give me what I want, I will burn when he doesn’t deliver [15].
Third, anger is sinful when it is expressed in the wrong manner. We usually express anger in the wrong manner because rather than controlling our anger, we are being controlled by it. This happens when we become angry too quickly – when we are easily irritated and quick-tempered, forcing everyone around us to walk on eggshells. It also happens when we are angry too much, meaning excessively – like when we lose our temper and blow up in a rage with profanity-laced tirades, slamming doors, broken items in our wake, and hurtful words shouted at the top of our lungs. Some of us want to make sure (some) people see and hear our anger. We can also be angry too long [16]– nursing grudges and refusing to forgive. Those of us who explode in anger like powder kegs (angry too much) are often quickly identified as having “anger issues.” But just because you don’t hurl chairs across the floor like Bobby Knight doesn’t mean you don’t have an anger problem. In fact, showing little reaction outwardly but letting anger simmer (thus being angry too long) is what Paul explicitly warns against in Ephesians 4:26-27: “do not let the sun go down on your anger” [17].
Fourth, sinful anger seeks the wrong end. Rather than pursuing justice in an attempt to right wrongs, sinful anger seeks personal vengeance – even if it mostly takes place in our cherished fantasies of the wrongdoer suffering rather than in outward actions. But as Powlison points out: “Our anger is not meant to be punitive, to get even. It is meant to do good …” [18].
But given the depravity of our anger, how do we go about channeling our anger for good and dealing with it in godly ways? What are some effective ways of defusing our anger?
The Defusing of Our Anger
Let me suggest seven strategies to use when attempting to defuse our anger using the acronym A.T.T.E.M.P.T. First, acknowledge your sinful anger. Stop justifying it by calling it righteous anger when it’s not. Stop excusing it because you’re stressed out by work, or the kids are pushing your buttons, or you’re of German or Italian descent, or you’re hormonal. Confess the sinful anger that resides in your heart to God. And repent of the idolatrous demands, desires, and wants behind your anger. idols of reputation, comfort, control. You get angry in traffic because being late threatens your reputation. You get angry at the kids because you have to clean up when all you wanted was to have some rest and peace. You get angry at interruptions because you want ultimate control over your day. Acknowledge your anger and idols – and repent.
Second, tend to your overall health. Since anger is a holistic response that is physical as well as emotional and spiritual, you can resist anger better by taking care of your body. Reduce and release stress by getting enough sleep, eating well, and staying active. Of course, there’s no magic cure for anger but you’re less likely to deal with anger in godly ways when you’re tired, hungry, or restless.
“You are empowered to renounce your worldly passions, including your sinful anger, in this present age – right now. You can resist sinful responses – by grace. Live like you believe this is true.”
Third, train to resist anger and exercise self-control by grace. Paul informs Titus that: “the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people” and that this grace is “training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age” [19]. Defusing your sinful anger is possible because of grace – because Jesus, as Paul goes on to say, has come “to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for himself a people for his own possession” [20]. You are empowered to renounce your worldly passions, including your sinful anger, in this present age – right now. You can resist sinful responses – by grace. Live like you believe this is true.
Fourth, enlist support. Tell others about your battle with anger and ask them to pray for you. Seek relationships with those who will hold you accountable to handle anger in biblical and healthy ways.
Fifth, memorize Scripture passages that can bring God’s truth to mind as you deal with anger [21]. While calming techniques may have their place, the word of God possesses a power that merely counting to ten simply doesn’t.
Sixth, pray. When you’re tempted to go ballistic, resist by turning to God in prayer. When the devil tempts you to hold on to a grudge that allows resentment and bitterness to grow, fight him through prayer. It’s hard to stay angry at someone for whom you’re earnestly praying.
Seventh, trust in God. Trust him to order your day and to secure your good. You don’t have to bring about justice in your anger – trust God for ultimate justice. Counter your anger with faith. Counter your anger with gratitude. Counter your anger with genuine love – for God and others. Instead of judging, condemning, and punishing people in the place of God, let go of your sinful anger, drop the charges, and love them. Isn’t this what God has done for us? The good news of the gospel is that God was angry with us. But out of love he put away his anger at the cross where Jesus bore our sins to satisfy the demands of divine justice. To know this grace empowers us to show this grace.
Conclusion
The Bible is candidly honest about the degree of difficulty involved in mastering our anger and taming our temper. Proverbs 16:32 says: “Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.” So contrary to what we might think, you’re not demonstrating strength when you erupt in fury and lose your cool – you’re flaunting your weakness.
And we all suffer from this weakness. The truth is that we need supernatural help in dealing with our anger in godly ways. Because anger is not only inevitable but often right in a fallen world full of wrongs and injustices, we need God’s help in identifying and rightly expressing righteous anger. We also need God’s help in confessing and eradicating the sinful anger in our hearts. We need God’s help in becoming people who are “slow to anger.” When we are slow to anger as James 1:19 instructs us, when we are controlling our anger rather than being controlled by it by the grace of God toward us in Jesus and through the power of the Holy Spirit, we mirror and give witness to the greatness and glory of our God – who is slow to anger [22].
[1] See https://cpdonline.co.uk/knowledge-base/mental-health/chronic-anger-physical-health-impact/.
[2] This definition has similarities to the one offered by Robert Jones: “Our anger is our whole-personed active response of negative moral judgment against perceived evil.” See Robert Jones, Uprooting Anger (Phillipsburg, NJ: P&R Publishing, 2005), 15.
[3] To explore the emotional component of anger and the ways it relates to feelings of frustration, irritation, and annoyance, check out the wheel of emotions at https://medium.com/age-of-awareness/how-to-use-wheel-of-emotions-to-express-better-emotions-8037255aa661.
[4] See https://www.promises.com/addiction-blog/physical-signs-of-anger/.
[5] See Mark 3:1-5.
[6] See John 2:13-17.
[7] For example, see Numbers 11:10, 33; 12:9; Joshua 7:1; Judges 2:14; 2 Samuel 6:7; 2 Kings 24:20; Isaiah 66:15; and Jeremiah 7:20, to name a few.
[8] See Exodus 34:6; Numbers 14:18; Nehemiah 9:17; Psalm 103:8; 145:8; Joel 2:13; and Jonah 4:2.
[9] It’s not necessarily sinful to be angry at someone who wronged you or injured you. How you handle that anger and what you do with it is critical. Perhaps it should also be said to those who have been violated by others in deeply traumatic ways that lingering feelings of anger toward the perpetrator or about the event(s) do not necessarily mean you have failed to forgive. Forgiveness – as well as working through justified anger – can often take time.
[10] Rebecca Konyndyk DeYoung, Glittering Vices (Grand Rapids, MI: Brazos Press, 2009), 121.
[11] Jones identifies four essential features of righteous anger that can help us assess our own anger. First, he points out that righteous anger opposes actual sin – not personal slights, inconveniences, or interruptions. Second, righteous anger is focused on God and his broader kingdom concerns rather than focused on me, my kingdom, and my concerns. Third, righteous anger is controlled and properly restrained rather than controlling. Finally, righteous anger’s goal and cause for which it fights is justice and righting what’s wrong. See Jones, Uprooting Anger, 29.
[12] The phrase “fits of anger” is one word in Greek (from θυμος). In the singular it can be simply translated “anger” (see 2 Corinthians 12:20; Hebrews 11:27. In Galatians 5:20 it appears in the plural (Greek θυμοι = “angers”) and “fits of anger” is an attempt to bring this out.
[13] The word translated “anger” in Colossians 3:8 is ὀργή while the word translated “wrath” is θυμός (the word used by Paul in Galatians 5:20; cf. Ephesians 4:31). To explore the semantic differences between these closely related Greek words consult Gerhard Kittel, Geoffrey W. Bromiley, and Gerhard Friedrich, Theological Dictionary of the New Testament (Grand Rapids, MI: Eerdmans, 1964).
[14] DeYoung states that “anger becomes a vice when there are problems with its target – whatever it is that makes us angry – or with the way we try to hit that target – how we express our anger.” See DeYoung, Glittering Vices, 122.
[15] David Powlison, “Anger Part 1: Understanding Anger,” The Journal of Biblical Counseling (Fall 1995), 46. Powlison’s entire article is extremely helpful and insightful in attempting to understand our anger.
[16] DeYoung credits these three categories of anger’s sinful manner – too quickly, too much, and too long – to Thomas Aquinas. See DeYoung, Glittering Vices, 124.
[17] It might seem impossible to imagine resolving all feelings of anger by the end of the day given certain circumstances. What Paul likely has in mind with the instruction not to “let the sun go down on your anger” is less about feelings and more about renouncing any imagined rights you might think you have to carry the nursing of grudges or the plotting of ways to get even into a new day.
[18] David Powlison, “Anger Part 1: Understanding Anger,” The Journal of Biblical Counseling (Fall 1995), 50.
[19] See Titus 2:11-12
[20] See Titus 2:14
[21] Good verses for memorization include Proverbs 14:17; 14:29; 16:32; 19:11; 29:22; and Ephesians 4:31-32.
[22] The wisdom of being slow to anger commended and commanded in James 1:19 repeats the wisdom found earlier in Proverbs 14:29; 15:18; 16:32; and 19:11.