“Be Quick to Hear” — James 1:19
My wife recently confronted me with my two biggest flaws: she said I don't listen to her and ... well, I don't remember the other one. I wasn't really paying attention. Ok, that didn't really happen [1]. But the truth is that most of us find it difficult to genuinely listen well. Do you consider yourself a good listener? More importantly, would those around you – your friends, your co-workers, your roommates, your spouse, and your children – describe you as a good listener?
Consider that we all start out as listeners. You're not born talking – you're born listening [2]. And you have to listen if you're ever going to talk. Children with hearing deficits routinely have developmental delays and difficulties with speech [3]. But from a biblical perspective, listening isn’t just something we do with our ears but something we do with our hearts. This is reflected in Solomon’s request in 1 Kings 3:9. What he asked for from God was literally “a listening heart” [4]. Solomon was realizing early in his reign that it’s hard to lead well without listening well. What was true for Solomon is true for us: if we would hope to lead well we must learn to listen well. But even more generally, if we would wish to live well we must learn to listen well.
“From a Biblical perspective, listening isn’t just something we do with our ears but something we do with our hearts.”
Consider that redemption hinges on listening. When the Israelites were enslaved in Egypt, God heard them. Exodus 2:24 says: “and God heard their groaning, and God remembered his covenant with Abraham, with Isaac, with Jacob.” We read in Exodus 3:7-8: “then the Lord said, ‘I have surely seen the affliction of my people who are in Egypt and have heard their cry because of their taskmasters. I know their sufferings, and I have come down to deliver them.’” Redemption hinged on God listening. But it also hinged on the people listening to God’s Passover instructions in Exodus 12. But listening wasn’t just necessary for Israel’s redemption – it’s necessary for our redemption too. We are called to hear the word of the gospel and respond in obedient faith [5]. We read in Luke 17:35 that at the Transfiguration of Jesus, God the Father declared: “This is my beloved Son with whom I am well pleased. Listen to him.”
Listening isn’t just a physiological ability – it’s a spiritual act. As God’s people we should be, as instructed in James 1:19, quick to hear. We’ll be more faithful in doing that if we connect listening to three things: genuine humility, sacrificial love, and obedient worship.
Listening and genuine humility
In our sinfulness we tend to be self-absorbed and to make everything about us: every conversation is a platform for displaying our intellect, our wit, our debating skills, or for offering our analogous experiences that always top those of the person we're talking to, or is seen as an occasion for spouting our own opinions. In dialogue with others, our minds are often preoccupied with our own thoughts, interests, and concerns and with formulating what we're going to say next rather than really listening to what others are saying. Even worse, in our pride we can try to shut people down in discussions in order to assert power and control, manipulate, defeat, own, use, and possibly even abuse others. But Paul instructs us in Philippians 2:3 to “in humility count others more significant than yourselves.” One way we can show this kind of humility is by listening instead of dominating conversations.
If we're going to listen well, we need to humbly admit that we don't know everything. You have things to learn about complex issues, about different perspectives and experiences, and about how and what others are thinking and feeling. And the way you get there is by listening – actively. Listening doesn't mean not ever saying anything. Listening well isn't marked by silence as much as seeking to understand, often by probing with questions about another's thoughts, views, feelings, motives, and aims. Of course, just because you listen doesn't necessarily mean you'll understand – and it certainly doesn’t mean you’re obligated to agree. But you're almost certainly not going to understand – and therefore be able to answer wisely and with insight – without listening first.
“A listening heart is a humble heart that doesn’t arrogantly assume it has it all figured out without listening – often long and hard – first.”
You think you already know what you need to know in order to speak wisely and accurately without listening first? Maybe, but that’s highly unlikely. A much better approach is to shut up for a second – or two – and listen. And that requires some humility. I've heard people say wives don't want their husbands to fix their problems. They just want someone to listen. This may often be true. But most wives (and husbands for that matter) will eagerly welcome advice about how to fix problems – just not from someone who hasn't taken the time to listen and understand the issue before offering solutions. A listening heart is a humble heart that doesn't arrogantly assume it has it all figured out without listening – often long and hard – first.
We’re all entitled to our opinions on a vast array of topics, but if you’re not well-informed, maybe you should have some humility and ask a few questions and listen first. Spend some time reading a few good books (a form of listening) by authors who themselves have taken time to listen and understand. Maybe by listening you and I can have some assurance that Proverbs 18:2 isn't talking about us: “A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his or her opinion.”
Listening and Sacrificial Love
Listening is demanding and difficult. It takes time, effort, energy, and focus. That's usually why we don't do it. It takes love if we’re going to listen well. German theologian Dietrich Bonhoeffer states: “The first service that one owes to others in fellowship consists in listening to them. Just as love to God begins with listening to His Word, so the beginning of love for the brethren is learning to listen to them” [6]. It’s love that compels us to be quick to hear.
Again, love doesn’t require us to agree with what’s being said by others but it does mean we’ll listen in an attempt to truly understand. In his book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen B. Covey stresses this empathic listening and offers this description: “The essence of empathic listening is not that you agree with someone; it’s that you fully, deeply understand that person, emotionally as well as intellectually” [7]. Understanding usually means we’ll be slower to demonize people who hold opinions and views that differ from ours.
Listening is an expression of sacrificial love in many ways. For starters, it validates someone else’s existence, worth, and value. When you're willing to close your laptop or put down your phone to listen, you communicate that another person matters.
In addition, listening helps others process their feelings. Feeling helpless, excluded, rejected, disrespected, violated, empty, trapped, or invisible can be hard to identify and name. Helping others wrestle through them by listening is not only helpful for us to gain understanding, it’s helpful for them too. I've often witnessed the relief – emotion and physical – that accompanies finally identifying a troublesome, disruptive, but elusive emotion. It’s a like a weight is lifted because accurately naming feelings brings hope that they can be dealt with and effectively managed.
Listening also helps others formulate, clarify, and organize their thoughts. In the words of one writer, thoughts disentangle themselves when they pass through the lips [8]. In other words, talking helps us think. Talking to someone else forces us to think more clearly because the jumbled assortment of our thoughts now has to be ordered and articulated in a way that will make sense to someone else, and that forces us to make sense of them, especially when we have a listener lovingly investing the time and attention to probe and question in order to understand [9].
Don't underestimate the value of serving others by listening to them. Clear thinking is important because the world is complex. Life is complex. Our problems, our relationships, and what goes on in our hearts is complex. You can help someone sort stuff out and check their sanity and grasp of reality by caring enough to listen [10]. Covey observes: “Often when people are really given the chance to open up, they unravel their own problems and the solutions become clear to them in the process” [11].
“In many situations, listening is the only thing we can do as an expression of our love for others. But listening is also often the best thing we can do.”
Of course many of the problems people face can’t be “fixed” simply by talking. But a trusted and loving listener is tangible evidence that there is support in carrying life’s heavy burdens. Indeed, in many situations, listening is the only thing we can do as an expression of our love for others. But listening is also often the best thing we can do. To quote Bonhoeffer again: “Christians, especially ministers, so often think they must always contribute something when they are in the company of others, that this is the one service they have to render. They forget that listening can be a greater service than speaking. Many people are looking for an ear that will listen. They do not find it among Christians because these Christians are talking where they should be listening” [12]. Listening is a meaningful display of sacrificial love [13].
listening and obedient worship
Finally, listening is an essential component of our worship. Worshiping God entails listening to his Word and our obedient response to it [14]. There's a linguistic connection between listening and obeying both in the Greek of the New Testament and in the English language [15]. When you say your kids aren't listening, you usually mean they aren't obeying. To listen to God is to obey him and to obey his voice above all others is a demonstration of our worship. Consider the words of Bonhoeffer one more time as he connects our ability to listen and our relationship with God: “... he who can no longer listen to his brother will soon be no longer listening to God either; he will be doing nothing but prattle in the presence of God too. This is the beginning of death of the spiritual life ... Anyone who thinks that his time is too valuable to spend keeping quiet will eventually have no time for God and his brother, but only for himself and for his own follies” [16].
If you don’t want to listen, you're not humble. If you’re not listening, you're not being loving. If you won’t listen, you can’t worship God. But here's the amazing thing: God's children are listeners because they resemble their Father – a God who not only speaks but a God who listens. Psalm 28:6 says: “Blessed be the Lord! For he has heard the voice of my pleas for mercy.” Psalm 34:6 says: “this poor man cried, and the Lord heard him and saved him out of all his troubles.” And we read in Psalm 116:1: “I love the Lord, because he has heard my voice and my pleas for mercy.” Our God listens. He is quick to hear his children who call out to him. As sons and daughters of the God who listens, let's be quick to hear and listen well.
“If you don’t want to listen, you’re not humble. If you’re not listening, you’re not being loving. If you won’t listen, you can’t worship God.”
How do we learn to do that better? The first step is to be still and know that God is God [17]. Listen to him speak in his word. Ponder the divine grace and love that extends a listening ear to you. And show that same grace and love to others. And remember that you have two ears and one mouth: listen more, talk less.
[1] Those familiar with the movie Dumb and Dumber might be wondering if I got this joke from a scene in that movie. Yes I did.
[2] Adam McHugh, A Listening Life (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 2015), 9.
[3] www.houstonent.com/blog/hearing-loss-and-speech-delay-in-children.
[4] The Hebrew phrase is לֵב שֹׁמֵעַ.
[5] See Romans 10:14-17.
[6] Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Life Together (San Francisco, CA: Harper & Row, 1954), 97.
[7] Stephen B. Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People (New York, NY: Simon & Schuster, 1989), 252.
[8] This quote is attributed to Dawson Trotman at www.azquotes.com/quote/747725.
[9] “External processors” might need this more than “internal processors,” but everyone benefits from it.
[10] For an insightful treatment on the importance of listening and how to listen well, see Jordan B. Peterson, 12 Rules for Life (Toronto, ON: Random House Canada, 2018), 240-248. Peterson suggests that good listeners should summarize what they understand another person to be saying as this has certain advantages: it helps consolidate what might be a lengthy dialogue into the most essential aspects to be remembered; it permits someone to correct or modify your summary; and it allows you to have confidence that you've accurately understood while resisting the temptation to oversimplify or distort another's perspective.
[11] Stephen B. Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People (New York, NY: Simon & Schuster, 1989), 263.
[12] Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Life Together (San Francisco, CA: Harper & Row, 1954), 97-98.
[13] Be careful not to conclude that love always listens. While this is often the case, there are times to shut our ears and stop listening to things such as false teachers, doctrinal errors, blasphemy, coarse language, sinful seduction, manipulation, or verbal abuse. See Jeremiah 23:16; 1 Timothy 6:20; Titus 3:9.
[14] The instruction to be “quick to hear” in the context of James 1:19 might have hearing God’s word most immediately in view: “Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. Therefore put away all filthiness and rampant wickedness and receive with meekness the implanted word, which is able to save your souls.”
[15] The New Testament Greek word for “listening” or “hearing” is usually ἀκούω, while the common word for “obeying” is ὑπακούω.
[16] Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Life Together (San Francisco, CA: Harper & Row, 1954), 98.
[17] See Psalm 46:10.