“Be Slow to Speak” — James 1:19
There are sandwiches that are called subs if you're in New York, but if you’re in Philadelphia they’re called hoagies. In some places, every soft drink is a Coke. You can tell certain things about people – where they’re from, their influences, maybe even their occupation – by the distinctive words they use and the ways they talk. As Christians, there should be something distinctive about the way we talk.
We’re instructed in James 1:19 to be slow to speak. And when we do decide to open our mouths, is there any evidence that we belong to Jesus? If everyone had access to a recording of all the things you’ve said this week, whether to family members or friends, or in your conversations at work, or in your mundane, ordinary, day-to-day interactions, or even when you were talking to yourself, would they have reason to suspect that you’re a Christian? Do you speak with a godly tongue? And how do we know what that is?
The apostle Paul furnishes us with a concise and helpful description of a godly tongue in Ephesians 4:29 when he writes: “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” There are three qualities of a godly tongue identified in this verse. The first is that a godly tongue avoids corrupting speech; the second is that a godly tongue adopts edifying speech; the third is that a godly tongue aims at gracious speech.
A Godly tongue avoids corrupting speech
In Ephesians 4, Paul tells believers to put off the old self (v. 22) and to put on the new self (v. 24). As specific examples, he says we’re to put off falsehood and put on truth (v. 25), to put off sinful anger and put on resolving conflicts (v. 26), to put off stealing and put on hard work and generosity (v. 28), and to put off corrupting speech – “let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths” (v. 29).
A godly tongue avoids corrupting speech. What exactly is meant by “corrupting speech?” The Greek word translated “corrupting” in the ESV (“corrupt” in the KJV, and “unwholesome” in the NIV and NASB) is used twice by Jesus in Luke 6:43 when he says: “For no good tree bears bad fruit, nor again does a bad tree bear good fruit” [1]. The connotation is that the fruit (or tree) is “rotten.” Like bad fruit or spoiled food in the fridge, corrupting or rotten speech is unprofitable, unacceptable, distasteful, even harmful. It doesn't nourish us and can actually make us sick. And like rotten food that gives off a foul odor, corrupting speech emits into the atmosphere uneasy and unpleasant moods and tones.
When we think of corrupting speech we shouldn't simply associate it with certain “cuss words” we’re not supposed to say. We can be much too narrow in our attempts to avoid those kinds of words while ignoring the heart and spirit behind the rest of our speech. There are lots of names you can call other people who are irritating or frustrating you, but is calling them an “idiot” or “moron” really that much better than less socially acceptable terms? It's still malicious and unloving speech. Of course, some people are actually morons – and worse – so sometimes stronger words might be appropriate [2]. But generally speaking, we need to expand our understanding of what constitutes corrupting speech – and hate speech, for that matter – if we aim to be biblical [3]. Corrupting speech includes much more than simply a list of off-limit four letter words.
“Corrupting speech is any speech that is contrary to God, his truth, and love for others. It is any speech that tears people down, destroys, injures, or darkens the soul.”
Corrupting speech is any speech that is contrary to God, his truth, and love for others. It is any speech that tears people down, destroys, injures, or darkens the soul. It includes insults that hurt and degrade, exaggerations that cast others in a negative light, false accusations and slander, unfair caricatures and misrepresentations, gossip, lying, deceit, blaspheming God, and selfish talk that seeks to manipulate and control others to get what it wants [4]. It is worth stating that while Paul is concerned to forbid the corrupting speech that comes out of our mouths, corrupting speech can also flow from the words we type, whether in emails, texts, or posts on social media. A godly tongue avoids this kind of corrupting speech completely: “let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths” – regardless of the setting, the circumstances, or how you feel in the moment.
Such a high standard might tempt us to just not say anything at all. But a godly tongue isn't just about refraining from certain speech. It's also about verbalizing proper speech – specifically edifying speech.
A godly tongue adopts edifying speech
This is the “putting” on portion of Paul’s instructions. We are to put off corrupting speech that tears down while also putting on edifying speech: “only such as is good for building up” [5]. We’re to replace the corrupting speech of the sinful nature with the edifying speech of the new nature. What constitutes edifying speech? We might find a clue earlier in Ephesians 4:11-13 where the same word for building up is used: “And he gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the shepherds and teachers, to equip the saints for the work of ministry.” What is this work of ministry? Paul goes on: “building up the body of Christ, until we all attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the son of God, to mature manhood, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ.” Notice that according to Ephesians 4:13, building up promotes three things: unity in the faith, knowledge of the son of God (in other words, the person and work of Jesus), and maturing and growing in Christlikeness. These are the concerns that should govern and guide our words [6].
But notice also we are to adopt this edifying speech “as fits the occasion,” or as the NIV puts it, “according to their needs.” So we need to consider the person to whom we’re speaking. What do I know about the person that should influence what I say and how I say it? Paul Tripp offers a helpful list of questions [7]: “Is it a man, woman, boy or girl? Is it someone our own age, younger, or older? Is it a longtime friend, a casual acquaintance, or a virtual stranger? Is it a family member, a distant relative, or a neighbor? Is the person a believer, a seeker, or lost? What is his or her knowledge and experience of the truths of Scripture? How receptive is this person to my ministry?” Notice how relational dynamics factor into godly speech. Some of your relationships may not have enough capital or trust established for you to say certain things – at least not yet. You may need to take some time to build trust. Remember, you don't have to say everything there is to say all at once [8]. And keep the words of Proverbs 27:14 in mind: “Whoever blesses his neighbor with a loud voice, rising early in the morning, will be counted as cursing.” To put it another way, timing matters [9].
We also need to be sensitive and responsive to the situation into which we are speaking. Given the specific set of circumstances, are there words of encouragement, affirmations of love and support, or words of kindness and patience that need to be spoken? Is this person needing confession from you? Forgiveness? Is there a passage from God's word to be applied to this person's doubts, discouragement, fear, anxiety, guilt, shame, depression? Is there a sin to be named and brought to light: anger, bitterness, resentment, hardness of heart, greed, coveting, pride, self-righteousness, ingratitude? Is a word of thanksgiving or gratitude fitting? Praise to God? Does this person need to be affirmed, assured, comforted, and consoled? Or challenged, confronted, corrected, or rebuked [10]?
“What is fitting, then, depends on a number of factors, including the person, the situation, and the timing. We need to be sensitive to the who, what, and when. And we need to seek God’s wisdom in considering what Biblical truth or truths apply.”
What is fitting, then, depends on a number of factors, including the person, the situation, and the timing. We need to be sensitive to the who, what, and when. And we need to seek God's wisdom in considering what Biblical truth or truths apply. And if you don't know the person very well, well, you better be prepared to do a good deal of listening first before speaking [11]. But regardless of the person or situation, your objective remains the same.
a godly tongue aims at gracious speech
The goal of godly speech is to give grace: “that it may give grace to those who hear.” This is a purpose statement. Gracious speech refers not so much to the quality or tone of our speech but to its intended effect. The NIV captures the idea well: “that it may benefit those who listen.” Gracious speech doesn't mean we dodge saying hard things or evade correcting or rebuking others. It can comfort but also challenge. Perhaps we might think of it this way: aiming at gracious speech means our words should target the growth of others in godliness and sanctification [12].
Aiming at gracious speech has to start by recognizing that we do not belong to ourselves. We've been bought by the blood of Jesus. Not only does my body belong to him and my mind belong to him, but my mouth belong to him. I don't have permission to ignore or discard the standards of speech that God has established and say whatever I happen to feel like saying – ever [13]. As ambassadors for Christ our speech serves his interests and purposes. This means that a godly tongue aims at the gracious speech of identifying sin, speaking the truth, and applying the gospel, while encouraging, affirming, and exhorting to holiness in living.
“By God’s grace, we can exercise a godly tongue designed not to get others to think more highly of us, or to give us what we want, or even to help others feel better about themselves, but that aims to direct their hearts to Jesus, the Living Word, to encounter his grace and truth. ”
But you can't give what you don't have. The only way we can give grace is to first receive grace from God. Jesus teaches in Luke 6:45: “out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.” Our words reflect and reveal what's in our hearts. It's only when God's gives new life that we can speak with a godly tongue. And he gives that new life in Jesus – who is God's word come to us in the flesh. Not a corrupt word that tears down and destroys but a Word that lifts up, a Word fitted to our need as sinners needing redemption, a Word of light and life that gives the grace of salvation to those who listen.
When we know that grace we show that grace. Grace rescues us from the urge to make every conversation about our egos, our insecurities, our need to justify, protect, or defend ourselves, to always convince others we’re right, or make others happy and not upset with us. By God's grace, we can exercise a godly tongue designed not to get others to think more highly of us, or to give us what we want, or even to help others feel better about themselves, but that aims to direct their hearts to Jesus, the Living Word, to encounter his grace and truth. While this doesn’t mean we need to explicitly mention the name of Jesus in every sentence we utter, it does mean our words should always express a measure of his truth, his goodness, and his grace [14].
There's a story about a professional baseball player who was speaking to inmates in a prison [15]. One of the inmates asked how he became so good at baseball. He answered, “I guess it started when I was a kid. Playing with my dad he would always say, ‘Keep throwing the ball like that and you'll end up with the pros. Keep swinging the bat like that and you'll end up with the pros.’ And here I am.” The inmate replied, “You know, the same thing happened to me. When I was a kid, my father always told me that I was good for nothing and that one day, I'd end up in prison. And here I am.”
This story illustrates the truth of Proverbs 18:2: “Death and life are in the power of the tongue.” Given the power of our words, let’s be “slow to speak” as instructed in James 1:19. And when we do speak, let’s speak with a godly tongue that avoids corrupting speech, adopts edifying speech, and aims at gracious speech.
[1] The word translated “corrupting” in the ESV is Paul’s only use of the Greek word “sarpos” (σαρπος). The other seven New Testament occurrences of this Greek word are found in the teachings of Jesus: six of the uses are connected to trees and fruit (twice in Matthew 12:33; twice in Luke 6:43; Matthew 7:17; and Matthew 7:18), and in the seventh, Jesus refers to bad fish (in Matthew 13:48).
[2] When my children were younger and asked if a certain word was a “bad word” I rarely said yes or no. I would usually explain that some words are strong words so we should be guarded and careful how we use them. For example, I don’t think “hell” is a bad word – it’s recited in the Apostles’ Creed and we sing it in the hymn How Firm a Foundation! – but it's a strong word and we should be careful how we use it. “God” is a strong and weighty word that we shouldn't use lightly – ever. Same with the name “Jesus Christ” – a strong name to be uttered in respect and love always. In my opinion, “holy” is another strong word that we often use far too casually.
[3] Contrary to what some might think, a biblical view of hate speech likely includes more than our culture’s current understanding. While hate speech certainly needs to be distinguished from “speech you happen to hate,” the Bible is clear about the power of our words and the seriousness of derogatory insults (see Matthew 5:22). Moreover, if the qualities of love listed in 1 Corinthians 13:4-5 can serve to describe not only the attitudes and actions of love but also the nature of loving speech, then perhaps the opposite of such qualities describe, at least in part, hate speech (for example, impatient, cruel, envious, boastful, arrogant, proud, rude, selfish, manipulative, controlling, irritable, and resentful speech).
[4] Bearing false witness against one’s neighbor – prohibited in the ninth commandment – would be another form of corrupting speech. For a useful and lengthy list of the sins forbidden in the ninth commandment, and therefore forms of corrupting speech to be avoided, see Westminster Larger Catechism Q. 145.
[5] The Greek word oikodome (οἰκοδομή) can mean “building” or “edifice” in the sense of a physical structure (see Mark 13:1) but it most often refers to the building up or “edification” (as in the NASB) of people, and carries the idea of “to increase the potential of someone or something, with focus upon the process involved.” See Johannes P. Louw and Eugene Albert Nida, Greek-English Lexicon of the New Testament: Based on Semantic Domains (New York: United Bible Societies, 1996), 675.
[6] For additional examples of what constitutes edifying speech, see Westminster Larger Catechism Q. 144 on the duties required in the ninth commandment.
[7] Paul David Tripp, War of Words: Getting to the Heart of Your Communication Struggles (Phillipsburg, NJ: P&R Publishing, 2000), 237.
[8] Admittedly there are situations of crisis or threat that require a greater sense of urgency and force in our speech. But urgent and forceful speech in those kinds of situations “fits” those occasions – precisely the approach Paul is instructing us to adopt.
[9] Notice how Jesus displays sensitivity to timing in John 16:12 when he says to his disciples: “I still have many things to say to you, but you cannot bear them now.”
[10] For another list of helpful questions to think through as you consider the situation, see Paul David Tripp, War of Words: Getting to the Heart of Your Communication Struggles (Phillipsburg, NJ: P&R Publishing, 2000), 237-238.
[11] On the importance and practice of listening, see my article on A Listening Heart.
[12] Jesus often issued firm challenges to his listeners (see Matthew 4:17; Luke 13:1-5; 14:26-27) and severe rebukes to the Jewish religious leaders (see Luke 11:37-52). Targeting others’ growth in godliness and sanctification sometimes calls for strong language that exposes sin and folly and issues calls to repent.
[13] While there are proper concerns about government infringement on free speech, Christians must guard against thinking that God has placed no limits on our speech. Ephesians 4:29 by itself is sufficient to refute this notion.
[15] Gregory the Great (c. 540-604) offers relevant insights in the way he identifies idle words: “… every word is idle that lacks either a reason of just necessity or an intention of pious usefulness.” Gregory the Great, “The Book of Pastoral Rule of Saint Gregory the Great, Roman Pontiff, to John, Bishop of the City of Ravenna,” in A Select Library of the Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers of the Christian Church, Second Series Vol. XII (New York, NY: Christian Literature Company, 1895), 38. Putting it positively, then, we could say that godly speech is motivated by “just necessity” or has “an intention of pious usefulness.”
[16] It’s difficult to confirm that this actually happened. A video version of the story can be found at: www.facebook.com/watch/?v=610162619415364.